58 Thoughts I Had Watching the Great British Bake Off - Series 9 Episode 8

What is this? Me, BLOGGING ABOUT A BAKE OFF EPISODE BEFORE THE NEXT ONE IS ACTUALLY ON TELLY? Christ almighty. Maybe the cheese I ate today has given me super-on-time powers.

This week, it's Bake Off's first-ever Danish Week. I'm excited simply because danishes are delicious. And I'm sure the ones bakers make this week in the quarter-final will be brilliant. I hope.

1. Okay, so how cute is this? The bakers are all wearing Hawaiian shirts in tribute to John.
   
   
   
2. No, Rahul. Croissants are not Danish.
3. Challenge uno: a rye bread. And making open sandwiches with it.
4. Can we ban Paul from trying to pronounce Danish words, please? Sandi's on the show, for Danes' sake.
5. YES RAHUL. He's bringing the smoked salmon, I'm already a fan of whatever he's making. Which by the sounds of it is everything on earth on a sandwich.
6. 'Smorrebrod' (imagine the accents on those vowels please) is what Paul was trying to say. I heard "smurbrur".
7. Paul is so bad at this. He winces because Ruby isn't adding enough water to the dough, yet he says "I'm not going to tell you [what you're doing wrong]". YOU JUST DID, PAUL.
8. Briony's bringing a tomato swan. And anxious feelings over kneading in front of Monsieur Hollywood.
9. Paul can stop with the Danish accent, Briony can stop with the New York one. Thanks.
10. Manon's doing goats cheese & strawberry, and then gorgonzola & pear. Sounds potentially scrummy.
    
    
    
11. I don't even like tomatoes but I want those flippin' swan tomatoes.
12. Now Kim-Joy is rocking the ingredient choices. Smoked salmon AND cheese. Aw yee.
13. Hahahahaha. Manon trying to sweet-talk Paul into giving hints to Rahul. Not sure that'll work.
14. Rahul already thinks he's going home! DUDE!
15. I got through a really nice spelt sourdough loaf last week and I already want to go and buy another.
16. "How do you make a sandwich look good?" You put smoked salmon in it, Ruby.
17. THE TOMATO SWAN, NOOOOO! It fell to its near-death.
18. Judges were fans of Briony's first bake. As for Manon's, P&P think there's a lack of savoury flavours. And somehow Manon has made a French dough!
    
    
    
19. Briony's sandwiches are too big for their breaded boots.
20. Rahul "tried too hard". Ouch. That's not a nice comment to have, especially for Rahul's mind.
21. Briony is also suffering. EMOSH :(
22. Challenge 2: 14 Danish "æbleskiver" with cinnamon-spiced apple & a strawberry jam dipping sauce. Wot.
23. Manon knows what they are! Hallelujah!
24. They look like small round donuts. And sound extremely tricky to make.
25. Noel has very kindly pointed out that what Rahul is stirring looks like baby sick.
26. Buttermilk is going in. Ahaaaaa - Manon's sister dated a Danish dude. Some excellent familial luck there.
    
    
    
27. I swear Noel is injecting more and more of his weirdness into every episode.
28. Sandi is the new Paul. As a Danish lady, she's the one who knows what's what... the most.
29. And the tiny balls are ready to be judged! I'm getting distracted by Prue's amazing dress with animals all over it.
    
    
    
30. Briony has smashed the texture, while Ruby hasn't won the judges over.
31. Kim-Joy has done... okay, I'd say. Meanwhile, Rahul has burnt his tiny balls. Ahem.
32. Rahul in fifth, Manon in fourth, and Ruby in third. Kim-Joy is in second, which means that Briony won this challenge!
33. NOW Rahul has something to be worried about.
34. Time for the Danish showstopper. At this point, the judges are clueless about who'll be going home and who'll be crowned Danish champion.
35. They're making a huge cake... caynmarn?! ARGH, DANISH WORDS.
36. 3 confectionery making skills need to be included. Can 'baking' count as one?
37. Briony is making a cake ('Kagekone' apparently) for her Nana Pat. Cute.
38. Ruby is making one in the shape of her sister (I think). Looks complicated and wonderful.
39. Rahul is making an Indian King 'Kagemand'. Okay, the word has changed. I'm confused.
    
    
    
40. So is Paul - Rahul is covering his crispy pastry with buttercream and Paul ain't a fan.
41. Manon is using Nougatine, hooraaaaay. I think she needs a lie-down.
42. Kim-Joy is a true ARTIST. She's using white chocolate and creme-pat. I think I've figured out that 'kagemand' is the male version of 'kagekone' - I am extremely slow and didn't hear most of what Sandi said at the beginning.
43. I wonder how big these constructions are going to be. Depends on the proving time I guess.
44. WOW. Manon's is h-u-g-e.
    
    
    
45. Kim-Joy has given in and started baking after just 15 minutes of proving. I feel like this might come back and bite her in the pastry butt.
46. Rahul's look beautiful in my eyes but he has other ideas (of course).
47. Briony has had a taste test from Noel. Result!!!
48. Oh nooo. Rahul overdid it - there's burning smells in the tent...
49. What a nightmare. Maybe Kim-Joy did the right thing after all.
50. From what I can see here, I don't think Kim-Joy nor Briony is going home.
51. It's the moment of truth. Ruby's up first - the judges would've preferred an apricot glaze on top, but they like the rest.
52. Manon did not impress. Yikes. Meanwhile, Kim-Joy's bake is stunning...
53. ...yet underbaked. Oh, bless her. Ohhhh. Okay, I'm crying at Bake Off. CAN SOMEONE HUG HER, PLEASE?! WHY IS NOONE GOING OVER?!
    
    

    

    can't find who made this GIF but I got it from this tweet

54. After that deeply emotional moment, Briony's bake has shocked Paul's taste buds into overdrive with sherbert but he's feelin' sweet about the rest (eyyyyy).
55. "Very dry, really dry". "Nice flavour". "Mmm". Rahul nailed the 'sweets' but not the pastry.
56. All except Ruby and Briony are absolutely devastated. I have no idea which one of them is leaving.
57. Right. Here we go. Star Baker this week is Ruby!
58. Noel is about to tell us who's leaving... it is... Manon. Ummmmm. Not sure how I feel about that. Shouldn't it have been (dare I say) "very dry, really dry" Rahul? edit: Twitter seems to agree!

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