50 Thoughts I Had About GBBO - Series 8 SEMI-FINAL

Steven, Kate, Sophie and Stacey: the Final Four. Patisserie Week. So many questions...:

• Who will be the final three?
• What will Noel and Sandi's shirts be like this week?
• Will Paul do so many handshakes that his arm falls off?

Only time will tell.

1. Malcolm Eggs the chicken is already the star of the episode. Heck, the show.
2. The intro music is only just playing (du du du du du) but I can already tell you that Sandi's shirt is a bold neon green.
3. Meanwhile, Noel's wearing something that looks to me to be a gothic take on the classic Hawaiian shirt. Maybe I'm not looking closely enough but the main thing is that I want it. 

   

   the true star*s *baker

4. Challenge numero uno: choux buns, of two different types. One type must have icing, and the other must have a "perfect crackling".
5. Prue's gone for classic red, white and blue understated fashion this week au drapeau francais.
6. First we're finding out what Steven's up to: key lime cheesecake / Bakewell tart (+ raspberry jam) Choux. Sounds good to me.
7. Stacey's sighing loudly and restarting her pastry. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh she's making emoji Choux (named "Choux-moji") and most importantly Choux-nicorns. Which apparently will be filled with multicoloured creme patissiere and I'm very excited about that. Gimme. 
   
8. More sighing from Stacey. Whilst sounding incredibly professional, Sophie's talking about her Choux. The first half being flavoured with strawberry and rhubarb and the second with chestnut puree and vanilla.
9. Finally, Kate's first batch are inspired by the Bellini (yum... basically peach + prosecco) and the second are Valencian Orange. Yas. 
   
10. Kate's predicting that she's not in the final... interesting...
11. Stacey saying "see what happens" isn't exactly the level of confidence you'd want in a semi-final. Apparently the multicoloured creme pat looks "the nuts" though. Alright.
12. So I think the little discs squidged on top of the Choux blobs are the craquelin... cracklin? CRACKLAN?!
13. Stacey is breaking. She's like a robot that's had enough and is about to leave the humans behind but instead of taking over the world she'll just storm off in a huff. 
    
14. Fifteen minutes left. Lots of mess and creme pat everywhere. And I'm in love with the Choux-nicorns.
15. Sandi Toksvig yelling "StaAaaaCceeY" is almost as good as Malcolm Eggs' cameo.
16. Judging time. Steven's crackled Choux look like cheesy bread rolls. P & P aren't fans of the presentation at all, but they taste much better than they look. As Paul says, "BLUHDY GAWJUS M8"
17. I would buy all of Sophie's patisserie in a heartbeat. They look heavenly. Paul reckons that some of them are under-baked though. Ah rats, not good.
18. Kate up for judging now. This sounds like the most positive judging so far. Paul is rather impressed - if she keeps this up, her previous prediction may become incorrect.
19. P-dawg is calling Stacey's Choux-nicorns a mess... sickly... argh. "Not your finest hour". EESH KABEESH. 

    

    those e-numbers tho

20. First challenge over means technical time. And this week's is, according to Noel's delicious voice, the hardest technical in the history of Bake Off technicals. What on earth is it?! A UFO made out of M&Ms? A to-scale Taj Mahal cake?
21. Nine Les Miserables slices. I have no idea what this means. Something to do with pistachio and probably not to do with Anne Hathaway chopping her locks off. 
22. Ohhhhhhhh wow. So these Les Miserables things look stunning. Like, seriously beautiful. Currently I can't think how any of the contestants could smash this. Maybe Sophie's got a slight chance. 

    

    ta daaaaaaaaa (I did not make these earlier/full stop)

23. Just caught a glimpse of the list of instructions. I think it's double-sided.
24. I  l o v e  N o e l  F i e l d i n g
25. Sophie's hinting at looking at other bakers to see how to shape her chocolate. Seriously what makes her think anyone else knows more about what to do.
26. "I hate worrying 'cause it doesn't get you anywhere" - new philosophy I'm adapting from Steven. Cheers man.
27. And the bake is done. The judges are taking a look at Stacey's first, and they're a fan of the intense green. Taste: good. Appearance: "needed to be neater".
28. Now for patisserie-lover Sophie. A great review from the judges.
29. Kate didn't really smash this challenge, while Steven needed more green in his pistachio layer and more air in his sponge.
    
30. In fourth is Kate, third Steven, second Stacey and first, unsurprisingly, Sophie. Ya patisserie gal.
31. In advance of the final challenge, Paul and Prue make clear that flavour trumps appearance in the end.
32. And this final challenge/showstopper iiiiiiiiiis: an embellished meringue sculpture extravaganza. Stacey's crafting "flamingos in love", made with passion fruit, raspberry and lemon mousse and vanilla panna cotta. Yum.
33. Sophie, meanwhile, is making a tutu sculpture, with coffee mousse, chocolate ganache, buttercream and get this - overall, NINE layers. Yes, really. Nine.
34. Oh. My. Goooooooooooooooooooodddddddddddddddddddddddddd. I can't breathe. Steven is making a rainbow meringue hot air balloon. Flavoured with strawberry, blackberry curd and peppermint white chocolate ganache. I'm gonna faint.
35. AAAAAAAAAAH. I thought it couldn't get any better but Kate is making a whole meringue rainbow with individually flavoured colours.
36. "The gayest challenge of all time". Probably inspired by Sandi's masterful presence.
37. Coloured meringues everywhere. Everything is beautiful. 
    
38. Steven's meringue is slightly broken but it's done. In a sweltering tent, though, his chocolate is proving to be the biggest problem.
39. Stacey just threw her chocolate egg mold at her flamingos. That could've gone much worse.
40. Oh noooooo. Sophie's meringue exterior is breaking.
    
    Steven's chocolate basket is melting. Double cr*p.
41. This is so tense. And quiet.
42. Apart from Paul thinking Sophie's showstopper is a hat, she's done super well. Such relief. 

    

    yeah ok it kinda does look like a hat, we'll let you off Paul

43. As for Kate's, Prue is very pleased with the colours and flavours. Also a very good bake. 
    
44. Stacey's flamingos now.
    
    Her feedback, although positive, seemed a bit weird and frosty. Maybe because Paul can't deal with things being tart.
45. Finally, Steven. I have a feeling that it's going to taste amazing, even though it looks like a slightly dying balloon. 
    
46. Ohhh. Tastes good, but I don't think Paul can get over the presentation. Or maybe he can, because as they said earlier, flavour always comes first.
47. It's time for the all-important semi-final discussion session. The judges were rather impressed overall with Kate and Sophie, who are both up for Star Baker. From their talk, it seems like Stacey will be leaving us. Looking back, surely it can't be Steven. 
    
48. Sandi's announcing SB, and it's Sophie! Yeaaaaaaaaah.
49. And Noel is announcing who's leaving. And yep it's Stacey.
    
    Even Noel is getting weepy.
50. BUT IT'S THE FINAL NEXT WEEK BIOTCHEEEESSSS!

all the funky images from the funky google images