50 Thoughts I Had Watching the Great British Bake Off - Series 9 Episode 9

Bonsoir pals. Or bonjour, depending on when you're reading this. I'm typing this on Sunday evening as I've had a rather busy week, but an enjoyable one nonetheless. What I'm not enjoying is the departure of warm weather, but then again the only reason it has stuck around this long is global warming... so there's that.

Episode NINE, how did we get to this?! by starting with episode one and then seven more, Rhiannon Anyhoo, on with the show... it's Patisserie Week... and the semi-final!

1. Still not over Manon leaving.
2. So from that cheeky preview, we already know Sandi is going to cry when she announces who's leaving us at the end of this episode. Genuinely glad they've given me an hour to prepare myself.
3. I'd just like to announce that Noel is wearing my most favourite of his shirts yet.
   
   
   
   
4. The first challenge today is madeleines. Yum yum yum. Génial.
5. Ruby has seemingly just welcomed a slaughtering from Paul.
6. Lots of talk about "humps".
7. Briony is making mojito and espresso madeleines. Meanwhile, unsurprisingly, Kim-Joy is making orange bunny madeleines. Wahoooooo.
8. Hmmm. All the bakers are using "the baking powder method" which Paul & Prue say isn't the best way to get that "hump". I'm just smiling and nodding at this point.
9. It's quite weird how they force the bakers to explain things to the camera. Kim-Joy literally just admitted she had no idea how to make a good madeleine, and yet here she is giving us viewers some advice. *ahem* scripted *ahem
10. To be fair, hers do look fantastic.
    
    
    
    
11. Rahul & Ruby have both used unfrozen raspberries, which I think is a problem likely due to bonus unwanted moisture.
12. "I'm gonna get absolutely annihilated", "...oh god what an atrocious mess - these are the semi-final quotes we want to hear, Ruby.
13. Here some the judge-y boi 'n' gril. And Rahul's up first. Oooh, they do like his raspberries after all!
14. Hahahaha yes! Briony is telling Rahul to smile; his nerves have frozen his mouth into a permanently worried slope.
15. Ruby's flavours are great, but the form is not. Meanwhile, Briony's "humps" are "not bad". There's a lack of mint and lime in her mojito ones, but the espresso ones have gone down a treat.
16. Here's Kim-Joy's bunnies... and they were a hit! The lemon ones not so much.
17. Fantastic. Rahul does not understand the "hump" innuendo. Now, if Noel and Sandi were allowed to 
18. Challenge dos: torta setteveli. Lots of things altogether and a freezer is needed. Okay.
    
    
    
    
19. So now I've seen what it looks like and I have officially been romanced by this cake. Holy moly. If anyone pulls this off, I'd be inclined to send them some sort of medal.
20. Maybe I'll just settle with one of those cards that play Celebration by Kool & the Gang when you open it.
21. Mmm praline crunch.
22. Kim-Joy is losing the will to live at this point. She's never made a chocolate mousse. But bless her, she's trying.
23. CMON KIM-JOY. YOU CAN DO THIS.
24. Noel literally repeated what I just said. Uno minutooooooooooooooooo.
25. And BLAM. Time is up on the technical.
26. "It's like a pair of incontinence pants" - a nice compliment for Briony's torta from Paul.
27. Ruby's torta looks beautiful, and inside it's great too. Awesome.
28. Not enough mousse in Kim-Joy's, but the rest of it was good!
29. Wahooooo! Kim-Joy came in second place! I'm so pleased for her.
30. Rahul totally flopped with rubbery chocolate and came last. Ruby, on the other hand, smashed it! Yeah!
31. It's time for the showstopper: a Parisian window. Mmm, this includes a mille-feuille (for the non-French/those who don't know, that means 'a thousand leaves' and it's basically a vanilla slice).
    
    
    
    
32. My god. It's the showstopper and there are still over 20 minutes left to go of the episode! Is this normal?!
33. Mmmm bright red lemon and raspberry eclairs are on their way from Briony.
34. Hmmm. Now Rahul is playing it rather safe with his ideas. This could go very much in his favour, or very much not. We'll see.
35. Briony is a force to be reckoned with today.
36. Ooooh. Ruby is making a flowery window display themed 'window'.
37. I can't imagine how pressured the bakers feel when they realise they're behind on time. I say this because Briony is desperately trying to catch up.
38. Briony is already aware that her pastry isn't cooked enough. Luckily she's been blessed with the Kiss of Noel so I'm sure she'll survive.
39. Kim-Joy looks very at home being covered in bright yellow icing.
40. Duhnuhnuhnuhnuh, duhnuhnuhnuhnuh... x24. Aaaaaand time's up! Ruby looks like she's just done a marathon.
    
    
    
    
41. God Paul is going for the criticism on this one, jeezus. "Looks very dull" - thanks Prue, I'm sure Kim-Joy is chuffed.
42. In summary, that was okay. Now here's Ruby.
43. P&P are impressed with the flakiness of the puff pastry. Meanwhile, Rahul is looking like he's just been forced to eat a raw lemon.
44. Fancypants Paul doesn't like unglazed fruit. Who would've thought it?
45. Seriously what is up with Paul's fancypants today?!
46. Too thick and chewy bakes for Briony. And raw pastry in the mille-feuille :( The judges liked the flavours though, although it seems like Briony used salt instead of sugar...
47. Let's go, Rahul. OOOOH. Blummin' 'ell Paul is going to TOWN with his criticism, dear LAWD.
48. "Messy", "boring", "hideous but tastes amazing". Really starting to think this was a setup now.
49. Right, so Rahul had some absolute disasters today... Noel is announcing Star Baker today. It's....: Ruby!
50. Sandi is now starting to cry after saying she won't cry. Going home is... Briony. NOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT THE... NO!
    
    
    
    
    Well frankly I'm happy because Kim-Joy is still in <3 and next week's the final!

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