“. . .sometimes one feels freer speaking to a stranger than to people one knows. Why is that?"Ever had that ever-so-slightly socially awkward moment where you want to talk to someone in the street that you've never met? And it's only actually awkward... because you're making it awkward?
“Probably because a stranger sees us the way we are, not as he wishes to think we are."*
Maybe it's because they're wearing The COOLEST Jacket/Shoes/Jeans/Tee/Dress/Pikachu Onesie/binbag you've ever seen.
Or their hair is a crazy shade of neon yellow.
Maybe they're ever so attractive, and even more so since they're a total stranger and possess an air of alluring mystery.
Or they just look like a really nice person.
Really nice people do exist.
And when one really nice person meets another really nice person, it does genuinely go quite well. But most of us wouldn't know that. (check out Humans of New York to see how enlightening this stuff can be).
This is one of the reasons I wish technology didn't exist. People would have to plan things in person; internet dating and social networks wouldn't exist so we'd actually have to go out (god forbid) and socialise and meet future friends/partners without expecting it.
We wouldn't have earphones in while waiting for a train/going for a run (hahaha) so we would hear if any kind being actually decided to start a conversation.
We would find out how many of our friends would make the effort to see us (instant messaging does not require even an ounce of effort. I do not think 'Oh how wonderful and kind!' when someone sends me a "Hi") and therefore build better relationships. If someone actually came round to my house and said hello with their actual audible voice it would have a much better effect.
Back to the strangers thing - people say university is s great way to meet new people. I fully agree. Yet at the same time, it's quite sad that we need to be forced into a completely new scenario with totally unknown people so that we have no other choice but to communicate. Shouldn't we have been doing this already with people we didn't know back home?
Since I've come back, I've created a mission for myself to talk to someone I've never met/had a conversation with every other day. Today, I managed two people (one lovely lady at the bus stop who I'd never ever seen before but she knew my family, and a guy in the Co-op). At the weekend it was the really nice shop assistant in Lush. It may sound ridiculous to you:
Thoughts may be running through your delightful mind such as
"what in chewbacca's name is she doing with her life"
But I honestly dare you to go and say hi to someone who you'd definitely say hi to if your official job title was The Most Confident One of Them All. Compliment them.
Even if this person is in a hurry somewhere, you'll feel good about yourself simply knowing that you had the guts to do it and that you made a positive change in someone's probably otherwise normal and usual day.
Trust me. THEN you can go and hide in a duvet fortress for ten days with your favourite food and an unhealthy amount of Netflix.
The place I notice the highest lack of stranger conversation is London. Even the shop assistants don't hassle you, which is great...but pretty unnerving. Aren't we all used to being bombarded with 'Are you okay?'s, 'Can I help you with anything's and 'I hope you found what you're looking for today's?
It seems to me like every person in the city is going somewhere other than where they are, and that hardly anybody has the time or instinct to stop and appreciate all the awesome people around them in one of the most cultural and vibrant cities in Europe (OR SO THEY SAY).
TOP TIPPY TIP:
do not fear rejection when approaching a new face. If they ignore you, or think you're too forward (because they've probably forgotten that it's okay for everyone to talk to each other, jeez), it's their loss. Chances are you will never cross paths again. Phew. Panic O-V-E-R.
Overall, go forth and act confident. Even if you really really aren't. You will pull it off.
(after all, that's me 24/7x100% of the time, and I feel much better as a consequence)
Rhiannon x
*Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind
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