57 Thoughts I Had Watching the Great British Bake Off - Series 9 Episode 4

Episode numero 4 calls for Dessert Week. Just from a preview, I'm already googling all the shops in the universe to find out where Noel's shirt is from so I can wear it for the rest of 2018. Should probably buy more than one in that case... heck it, I'll have ten.

*ahem* anyway, there's an episode of baking to review so let's crack on.

1. Meringues, chocolate, breakages... all to come in the next 58 minutes.
2. Karen is sporting a gown of pure elegance, mustard chic.
3. Turns out Terry is poorly this week :( Best wishes, mustachioed sir.
   
   
   
4. Challenge numero uno: a meringue roulade. In other words: a rather posh sugary cylinder.
5. Paul is (from outside of the tent) warning that "there's nowhere to hide". So a typical Bake Off challenge, then.
6. Manon is getting her cherries out for her first-ever meringue roulade. Bonne chance.
7. Over in Briony's corner area, it's Treacle Tart Town. Woot woooooot.
8. Awwwwww. Kim-Joy is making a roulade with a lovely design. I've forgotten what it was but just trust me when I say that it's lovely.
9. John, in his wild orange Hawaiian shirt, is getting fruity. Naturally.
10. Rahul could enter a competition for the Biggest Worrier right now and automatically make the top five.
11. Dan is off for mango, strawberries & coconut - sounds delicious.
    
    
    
12. Meanwhile, Ruby is playing the Liverpool card especially for Paul and making a pina colada masterpiece. Very scouse. Now, this is a roulade I could get behind.
13. If Rahul gets a handshake, Noel will commence Situation Piggyback. C'mon Rahul!!!
14. So the bakers have all got their meringues out. Now for the custard and fillings, and we've still got the rolling to go.
15. How nervewracking must this be?! Aaaaaaaargh.
16. Manon is having a crack-related problem. Over with John, we've got some mango science experiment happening. Aaaand it's over. Let's get them roulades judged.
17. P&P are big fans of Ruby's bake as well as Kim-Joy's, even though it's a bit thick and messy.
18. Hooray! Despite Manon's crack mishap, she's done well.
19. In his cautious approach, Rahul failed to bake his for long enough. We'll have to wait a bit longer for the piggyback I'm afraid.
20. Karen's bake is too soft while Dan has aced it. HANDSHAKE. HANDSHAKE ALEEEEEEEEEEEEEERT (which is such a legendary thing that it was on HQ last night)
21. Briony did okay but not great... JOHN THOUGH! JOHN GOT A HANDSHAKE! IT'S HANDSHAKE CITY! aka Pewdiepie's worst nightmare. Oooooh, can we get him on Celebrity Bake Off and get Paul to give him loads of awkward handshakes continuously?! Yes?! Cool.
22. Technical time: a raspberry Blancmange plus biscuits. The Blancmange looks terrifying and a bit gross but I remember having it somewhere and it being nice. It also isn't spelled how I would expect it to be.
23. There's a big classic jelly-type mold for each baker and they've all gone in the fridge now. Time for biscuits!
24. "Bake". That's all it says. I would run away.
25. So Karen and Sandi are agreeing that food should not be "that colour" (pale green) but as a huge fan of the French fig leaf cake, I beg to differ.
    
    

    

    this is the closest thing I could find (called a swedish princess cake)

    
    
26. I'm now trawling the interwebs to find a picture of the legendary fig leaf cake and it's nowhere to be found (just the above :( ).
27. The moment of truth. The bakers are flipping their Blancmanges and trying to shift them out of their molds. Eeeesh they're all melting! Apart from Briony's it seems.
28. Karen is seriously struggling... and time's up. I was just about to say they all look similar but that is a total lie. Here goes the blind judging.
29. Rahul has smashed the pink wobbly thing but not the biscuits. Meanwhile, John has aced both! Possible Star Baker for him this time?
30. Ooooh - saying that, Dan has done great also.
31. Manon is in last place and let's whizz to 3rd: John! 2nd place is Ruby and that means in 1st is Dan! Cmooooooooooon.
32. Oh, Kim-Joy don't cry! Noooo. She thinks it's the end of the road for her.
33. Time for the pre-showstopper banter brigade. The top four are Rahul, Ruby, John, and Dan. The rest are in trouble apparently which isn't cool.
34. Karen is looking s-c-a-r-e-d. I love her, she can't leave. I won't allow it. I will go back in time and stop that potential nonsense.
35. A melting chocolate ball dessert... that's the showstopper.
36. Hold. The. Phone. Briony is making an amaretto and blood orange... wait for it... sticky toffee pudding tart... surrounded by white chocolate. Heck yes.
    
    
    
37. When Paul admitted she's making his favourite tarts this week, Briony's "oh good" in response was incredibly telling in that it was high pitched. And shaky.
38. Blahdy 'ell. Ruby is making a cool golden egg with pistachios. Hallo.
39. Awww. Dan and the giant peach! I love it. His voice is going all high too, maybe it's something in the tent air.
40. What is Kim-Joy doing? Is she making... space turtles... okay the answer is yes. It's a turtle galaxy with cocktail umbrellas. IT ME.
41. Ohhhhhhhhhhh. White chocolate has a lower melting point so the bakers who have opted for that could be in trouble.
42. Raspberry liquor come throooooooooooough. Yes, Karen.
43. Oh, Rahul. AN OPERA CAKE?! With coffee crème anglaise... this sounds divine.
44. These look incredible - oh no, the first breakage! It's Ruby's :(
45. John the Ultimate Babe is coming over to help make the cream for Ruby. A baking angel.
46. Time is up. There's been disasters and successes and it's all to play for. Now some delicious ads before they're judged.
47. Here we go. And John is wearing a tutu to match his cake decoration - absolute brilliance. Thumbs up from P&P.
48. Bit of a thick sickly tart from Ruby. Eesh.
49. Rahul's chocolate didn't melt too well but P&P are l-o-v-i-n-g the taste. Definitely doesn't matter about the meltiness then.
50. Briony's is a deconstructed chocolate globe. Whilst it looks pretty awful, they liked the taste... I don't think she'll be going home.
51. Time for Dan to shine. Mmm fresh peaches and caramel. Get in mah belly.
52. Manon's bake is stunning and so is the dessert inside. Heck, maybe it is Briony going home. Has Kim-Joy been up yet? I don't think so...
53. Here's Karen's... mmm raspberry liquor, heLLO. Prue loves it but Paul wanted more alcohol, that's unusual.
54. Kim-Joy. Wowee. AWWW! THE TURTLES! The boozy orange turtles.
    
    

    

    yessssssss

    
    
55. So it seems like a bit of a weird atmosphere... I think they might not send anyone home. I have a sneaky feeling they'll wait until Terry returns.
56. AND THE STAR BAKER IS DAN! Hooraaaaay.
57. C'mon Noel. Tell us it's noone... it is! A Bake Off first?! Amen.
    
    

    

    the relief on her face!

    
    

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